Vardian Log #26: White Plume Mountain -- "Get in the box! Bitch!" --Flamma Incendere "He giveth snow like wool: he scattereth the hoarfrost like ashes. He casteth foth his ice like morsels: who can stand before his cold ?" --Psalms 147:16-17 --- Season: Fall, 1205 The Players: Acutus of Ex. Miscellanea Magus Doug O. Antony da Padua Grog Arridere of Jerbiton Magus Dave Avisis Companion Donald Calios of Bonisagus Magus Scott Domita of Ex. Miscellanea Magus Doug L. Felipe of Tremere Magus Flamma of Flambeau Magus Eric Flamma's Apprentice Apprentice Grandmother Grey Faerie Inidinan Faerie Mediocris Grog Pepino Grog Recanto Grog Rol Faerie Bear Samo Grog Sagino, Arch-Mage of Tremere Magus Snog One Faerie Snog Two Faerie Silva Ambages of Merinita Magus Yogi Teddy Bear ** ** From the neatly stacked lab notes of Flamma Incendere It has been a most profitable year so far. While I finished showing my stupid apprentice, whatsername, how to study Vim, Tiro went to the fair in Champange for me. I gave him all my useless vis and he brought me back a wand that shoots lightning. Since I obviously don't need any extra fire power I believe I will let one of the other useless magi borrow it so they can be useful for once. Probably one of the Ex. Miscellanea types. Have to remember to get the cook to make something special for Tiro. It is also nice to have all these interesting Tremere around to liven up our tea times at Demorar's. Getting plenty of Certamen practice in. I find it hard to believe that Rupes' silly plan is actually working, but I'll go with it until it looks like we might get caught. This season was going fine until that new Ex. Miscellanea, Domita, got all upset about the strange cold in the Faerie forest nearby. She got Taron to call a meeting and bother my study of Imagonem, a most boring and useless art. My apprentice better be cranking out a lot of Vim vis for me to go to all this trouble for her. Anyway, another blow to the already pathetic reputation of House Ex. Misc. The meeting was, as usual, boring. Taron did a reading to help us out, but it was dumb. It said we would only find success from aid and we should not just try to use brute force to solve the situation. The first thing I ever taught my apprentice was to always think first and see if you can get anyone else to do it for you. Then blow it to pieces. Two more Tremere also showed up to join the Covenant at the meeting. One was Sagino, the very young arch- mage who we had met before. He seemed a reasonable fellow. The other was Felipe, an arrogant youngster whose only redeeming feature was his obvious dislike for that fool Mendem. Domita reminded me it was customary to have a Certamen whenever new Magi joined, so I challenged Demorar. After all, he was the one who made up the custom. Since he is really sweet all he had to do when he woke up was tell everyone I was a better Tremere than he was. For some reason this bothered the Tremeres and they decided one of them must now challenge me. They chose that handsome little bastard Tolas. This was very embarrasing. It is not enough that he keeps staring at me at tea and at meetings, but he knows I can't intellego better than a rock. To throw him off I immediately accepted his conditions and told everyone he was a better Tremere than me, then I challenged him right back. Darn Tremere seems to be good at everything. I've got to figure out a way to beat him. All in all, a typical meeting. Coming with me to kill Faeries were Arridere the demon, Calios the inept, Domita the useless, and the grogs, Acutus, Recanto, Antony, Samo, Mediocris and Pepino. They all dressed warm because they don't know Ignem like I know Ignem. I kicked my lazy apprentice and told her there better be a nice pile of vis when I returned. I also told her that if Tolas stopped by to say that I had died. Then we left. The trip was quite pleasant. The only interruption was when a bird of ill omen crossed our path. We had all seen this bird before, but for some reason the others all went berserk. Domita ended up forcing the bird onto Arridere's shoulder and brave, strong Calios killed it with a rock. Luckily Arridere has no backbone, or Calios would be a puddle of sludge. He definitely will be if he tosses any rocks toward my head. At this point we noticed a young woman heading towards us. While we awaited her arrival I noticed the corpse of the bird had disappeared, but I chose to ignore it as I was embarrassed enough at the behavior of my associates. Avisis was the woman's name and she obviously thought highly of her looks. She was looking for some warrior on a quest to stop the snow. I told her he was in Rome, but we all got into a neat argument and by the time I decided to pay attention again Pepino had made her a grog. Oh well. Once that situation got sorted out we headed into the forest towards a mountain we had spotted. This seemed a reasonable goal as it was not present during any of our previous visits to the forest. I have no intention of every touching snow, so I cast a little spell to melt all of it as I walked along in the forest. It immediately proved useful as it exposed an already dead gnome with some footprints headed away into the snow. I felt cheated of course; then I gathered the vis into its nose and stuffed that in my pack. Mediocris volunteered to track, but he proved inept. Everyone complained that they couldn't follow the tracks because I kept melting all the snow away. Peasants. So, I gave in and cancelled my spell. Domita found the tracks again and we followed them towards the mountain. A brief note about the other women. Domita seems to be bright enough to do what I say most of the time, despite being an Ex. Misc. However, she didn't seem to be very powerful, so I loaned her my wand after she agreed to blast any Faeries. Unfortunately, being Ex. Misc., she is also inept with her aim, so I later had to take it back. Avisis has turned out better than I had originally thought as well. She claims to have some magical training and offered to help in my lab. Smart girl. I ordered Pepino, who has the delusion he is in charge of the grogs, to stop bothering her or become breakfast for the squirrels. Anyway, we continued marching towards the mountain, which could be seen now to occasionally issue forth a blast of fine white snow out of its peak. This was still our goal, but I soon realised that we were making no progress towards it in this twisted Faerie land. We finally decided to go ask the Merinita who lives in the forest for advice. Avisis remembered how to get there and we quickly made our way to the Merinita's lair. Her name was Silva and she was an arrogant bitch. Thought she was so smart offering us Faerie wine. She also had the gall to pretend what everyone knows about her and Insolitus Georgius was not true. At least she purported to give us the way to summon a Faerie named Inidinan. Something about dancing naked around a fire. I got to be the fire. I am now in a position to offer opinions on the physical endowments of both Samo and Mediocris. Their names say it all. Eventually, two Elves showed up and led us to Inidinan's ramshackle hut. Arridere, showing an unusual amount of good sense, remained outside the hut with me as the other Magi entered to converse with Inidinan. Slightly bored, I decided to amuse the Elves by bursting into flame. They did not take this well at all; perhaps they had heard of me. They fled in terror. However, they quickly came back screaming, "He's back there!" This was an obvious Faerie ploy of some kind developed to decieve me, so I flash-fried one. Arridere also managed to slightly scorch the other, but I had to finish it off. The other Magi, who had just exited the hut, seemed quite surprised. I gathered the vis and put it in my pack. The others didn't seem to believe Arridere and myself when we said that we had been attacked but I really don't care what they think anyway. Calios did at least describe this Grandmother Grey Faerie who was responsible for the snow and the mountain. Inidinan had also told them that Snog One or Snog Two could get us in, as could some fanatic warrior friend of Avisis for whom Inidinan had enchanted a box to capture Grandmother Grey. While they filled me in on the details Acutus and two other grogs ran off to find what had scared the Elves. They found Snog Two. Snog Two was an enormous, ugly Faerie with an Emerald for a nose. My grog, Antony, later told me that Acutus had ordered them not to hurt Snog Two. These Ex. Misc. continue to confuse me. Acutus worked on destroying Snog Two's big stick while Antony and Mediocris attacked the beast. It turned out whenever they injured Snog Two a blast of cold issued out of him, but eventually Acutus killed it. He still swears he was just trying to ward off its blow. Funny Ex. Misc. The rest of us had rushed up to help and indeed, Arridere shrunk Snog Two to squashable size during the battle. I, on the other hand, realised the grogs could handle the situation and returned to the hut. I was hoping to find Inidinan for a chat. Close introspection while listening to the battle revealed to me that perhaps it was not in my best interest to have every one of these wretched Faeries hating me. I admit I have done nothing to earn their trust, but they can't be all that bright. Alas, the Faerie was not there, so I made tea while the others collected my vis. They eventually returned with Snog Two's head and seemed quite surprised to find the hut still standing. I pointed out that the head was all we really needed to get to Grandmother Grey's mountain and then we headed for it once more. It had become quite dark by the time we reached the base of the mountain, and I had to remind a few of the stupider Magi that I was in charge, and I had decided we should make camp now. A good night's rest is always too much to ask for with Ex. Misc. types about, and this was no exception. While Acutus was on watch an ancient Faerie bear named Rol came by and gave him a teddy bear named Yogi for Arridere's plaything, Franco. Any fool could have handled this without trouble, but several of the group got all excited and Avisis woke me up. I punched her and went back to sleep. Maybe she is not as bright as I thought. A little way up the mountain the next morning we discoved some rough hewn stone steps. Calios anounced that this was 'magic rock'. I have decided to consider him an Ex. Misc. from now on. A door at the top of the stairs had a sign on it that read, "Private--Keep Out. Except Snog One and Snog Two." More evidence Fairies are not so bright. Mediocris opened the door which led to a small platform with a winding stairwell leading down from it. At the base of the stairs was an ugly creature that could only be Snog One. He was wielding a large hammer with which he was striking a strange white sphere, and he had a large ruby for a nose. Every time he would land a blow there would be a loud crack and powdery white flakes would float up and out of the flume. There was a small pile of spheres to one side, and there was a door and a curtain behind the vis, I mean, the creature. Mediocris, who still seems to be trying to make a name for himself, started down the stairs screaming, "die!" Grogs have no finesse. My grog Antony also charged down the stairs and leapt past Mediocris to attack Snog One. I have to talk to him about his rash behavior. This fight looked as boring as the last, so I decided just to study the actions of my compatriots. Arridere and Domita cast spells which failed, as did Acutus. I got all woozy when I noticed that Acutus actually cast a spell and forgot to push Calios off the ledge for hitting my grog with a stupid rock. At least Calios can't use big rocks. The fighting continued and Acutus levitated (I got woozy again.) down to join the grogs. Just in time too, because Mediocris had been gutted like usual and had run back up the stairs. Things seemed to be occuring as usual. Arridere shrunk Snog One and Avisis hit it with an arrow. Unfortunately, Antony was also wounded, so I ordered him to guard the door behind the creature. Acutus was now one on one with the Snog, and I decided I better help out. I told Pepino to shut up and took him and the rest of the grogs down the stairs. Acutus was doing quite well, and with the help of some magic destroyed Snog One's hammer. Pepino got crunched. I hit Snog One with some flame a couple times. This damaged the Faerie tremendously, but it also made those below pass out when the Snog released its cold. Meanwhile, that silly Ex. Misc. Calios was botching his magic and starting a crack in the mountain. My flame was getting to the Snog, but it still seemed driven to destroy Pepino, for it smashed him again even when he was down. He looked dead, but looks can be deceiving. I then blasted the Snog into icecubes and it radiated cold for the last time. Pepino's ear snapped off, and this time I was darn sure he was dead. I guess Taron needs a few new grogs. After I took the vis and the Ruby nose from Snog One we searched the area. Calios was inordinately fascinated by the spheres, but I took a quick look then ignored them. Behind the curtain was a frozen guy hanging from chains. Demoror will be dissappointed when he finds this out, he has started to like dead guys for some reason. Interesting quirk. The man was Avisis' friend, and he had with him a magic broadsword and the box Inidinan had given him to capture Grandmother Grey. I took the box. I also noticed the two gems seemed to be trying to move into the box, but I decided to keep them out for now. When the others finally recovered, we entered the door. This was Grandmother Grey's bedroom. The furniture was quite tasteful, if a bit gaudy. Perhaps too many greens and browns with not enough red and yellow. Sleeping quietly on the bed was a beautiful translucent cat that looked as if it was made of ice. I was already making plans for it to be my pet/familiar when Avisis scared it. It fled wisely as I tried unsuccessfully to stop all those Ex. Misc. fools from killing it. Arridere melted it. I Certamened him, the religious bastard cat killing fiendish demon. One lousy pawn of useless vis. I would gladly have given them all a few pawns for the cat, but their small brains leave no room for thought. Thinking, something I can do, I took note that we had still not taken care of Grandmother Grey, so I postponed my Certamen with the animal slayer and we entered the door in the bedroom. The door had on it the sign, "Extra-special private. Keep Out! This means you Snog One and Snog Two." Perhaps it would be best just to slay Faeries on sight. They seem dumb enough to forget you every time. Anyway, the door led to a large natural cavern with a crystal hued lake in the middle. Some watery tart stood up in the middle of it and said, "Who is disturbing my bath?" Thinking quickly, recall I am the only one here possessing that ability, I tossed the gems in the box and pointed it at the tart. All of a sudden I felt like I had just swallowed a sack full of ice. I then politely asked her to get in the box. Note I in no way lost my temper. She shrivelled into a Grey shape and sped into the box. I shut it. At this point we noticed the damage Calios had done was taking its toll and the mountain began to collapse. I ran. Back in the "normal" Faerie woods we had Samo dance naked again. Hmm... have to remember to have the cook make him a cake. I was drinking tea in the old hut and Inidinan's form appeared in the fireplace. She warned us never to let the box touch the ground, or Grandmother Grey would be freed. Then I made everyone leave so I could talk Maga to Faerie. I explained how really I hadn't meant to kill all those Faeries, and that really I was hoping to be forgiven, and that I didn't really want animosity between the Faeries and myself. I promised not to kill any more Faeries needlessly if they would return the magic arrow the evil gnomes had stolen from me. It is a stupid magic arrow that I never use, but it is the principle of the thing that matters. Come to think of it, I might be able to use it to bribe Avisis. Inidinan said she'd think about it. I told her that if the arrow showed up I would consider it a done deal. Then, I wasted that idiot Arridere in a Creo Vim battle. I thought he was going to thrash me quickly because all these magic bubbles burst anound me and I got all woozy. However, he then hesitated in his attack giving me time to recover and form a really big magic blob above him. He dropped unconcious when it hit him. Must be careful with the fool of a demon, he could be dangerous. We returned safely home to the covenant and I allocated the vis. It was all useless stuff, so I gave Taron his Aquam and let the others take what they wanted first. I hope they remember this favor. We also gave Acutus the magic sword in exchange for his share of vis. The box with Grandmother Grey is obviously worth much vis, but the elders insulted us with their offer for it. I put it in my Little Box of Tranquil Dwelling, so that no one could ever set it on the ground, and eventually all the vis will be mine. My apprentice seems to be doing a reasonable job for me, so I'll try to be nice to her for a few days. She managed to make me four pawns of vis during the summer. As a reward I took her around and showed her some of the secret passages we use to spy on each other in the covenant. I told her it was always entertaining, and if she ever noticed anything interesting and told me I would give her a few days off. Oh, by the way, my hair is almost back to it's normal length. I wonder if he'll notice. Back to my plans for my covenant...